On transience

Intensity, vulnerability, and all that is bizarre.

most times, transient communities form shallow relationships. Brief/short-term circumstances are generally not worth the effort and intentionality required to go deep.

however, when individuals are placed into fairly stressful/high-pressure situations, we start looking for support where we can find it, and where it is offered. We become more willing to trade, to lower barriers quicker than we might have, or not opened at all. This increases one’s vulnerability, especially when one opens up to companions of circumstance rather than choice.

Too chummy too quickly, too vulnerable. Insert ergo somewhere. But it is what it is; 没办法╮(╯_╰)╭ (my autosuggest autosuggested the face and I couldn’t resist). I guess the trick is not minding, especially when rs dynamics whip back and forth with each new revelation. Covid restrictions further complicate matters.

A sudden idea- the best outcome is redemption- one resolves to genuinely care, heedless of the self. Lowest of the low, most unloving, least popular, and all that. I feel like I came by this place before. I probably have.

_

in completely non related news, I have been eating my way through a quiche a day for a couple of weeks now, and baked goodies (cheesetarts, cheesecakes, etc) and drinking bbt daily for weeks longer. I stepped on a weighing scale tonight, and oh my, something needs to stop. Putting it out here to make it real because self control is practically non existent in my life.

(but quiche crusts are amazingg, 怎么办(⊙o⊙))

The kid got into the phone again today

When a fighter pilot dreams

Kids are in bed; time for my shower. Afterward, I step out of the bathroom into the dark bedroom; the hubs has already fallen asleep. Suddenly, he wakens and sits up-

[mumbles something unintelligible]

me: what?

him: [looking straight at me] …. the defensive circle

me: the defensive circle?

him: [gesturing vaguely] you’re supposed to be at- the neutral… never mind.

Lies back down, closes his eyes, and is snoring as I type.

–

how many planes flying in his mind tonight?