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Penelope glitches

July 27, 2017

I walked today; stepped out from Chinatown to the street, past Pickering hotel where a Vezel (connect one,) did a lane change so extreme it could have been a pencil squiggle. Stopped by a bus stand to learn more about round ligament cramps, hurried up to traffic lights which seemed always on the verge of turning red, perhaps my pace too meandering.

Peered into sidewalks and dreamed of possibilities, looked wondering up to skyscrapers in the distance, imagining friends working high up any of them, stern steel and grey. Thought if I ever lost myself from grief, I could wander these roads, labyrinth like my mind.

Saw my reflection too late on a storefront window, turned the neck at my silhouette. Walked uphill past a bak ku teh restaurant far, far too popular, in my opinion. Tried to feel if I was hungry, and what for.

Looked across and right at heritage buildings, rainbow coloured window panels, over the Singapore river, remembering an evening and afternoon too many years ago where two boys took turns to make a fuss of me. One was more unscrupulous than the other, and had hands like an octopus. I think my father would have beaten him up, if he’d known. Other boys, too. Now I’m a married woman, with a husband who doesn’t see the point of expensive restaurants but believes in plenty of affection. Here’s a kiss for you, Mr J.

My legs brought me past more old memories, a Funan centre all torn down and rebuilding promises, Fort Canning where strolls and wedding photos had been taken, a grand fire station I’d always admired. Churches and temples, one with a graveyard I’d stood some years back, regretful and aching. I’d turned around with an internal start; i think i made a donation afterward.

More buildings, more history, standing nervously aside for a gang of pigeons. Realising i should check Google maps, entering raffles city for takeaway dinner.

I’m at bugis now, with five minutes to spare before the Mongolia trip sharing. I hope i got the venue right. Another place, another time, another million memories.

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Scattered thoughts

July 15, 2017

Some months ago, when i was still living on my own, I bought a plant with black leaves. Said plant has since been putting forth leaf after leaf, and to my complete surprise, a baby version with just one precious leaf is peeking over the pot. I will have to think of transferring it soon. I have a plan.

J has been posted, and we/i have been learning so much about human nature. Each place he goes to, I learn more and i am surprised time and again. I like that he tells me stuff.

The office has three orchids, two mint plants and two different basils. The tall light leafed one is becoming worse for the wear; apparently it’s overwatered. Drunk, i tell you. They get watered in the mornings. On Fridays i water them a second time before i go, and leave with a vague sense of worry.

S asked me today how work has been. It obliged me to reflect (a good thing). All things considered, it’s alright, mais il est ennuyeux parfois. I’m not complaining, though.

So much can go wrong in utero, that the ___ don’t count your chickens before they hatch rings truest. What’s the word I’m looking for? Adge- adage, ah. I was reading about umbilical cords today, while A was telling me how the doctor said her risk for a down syndrome baby is now three times higher because of lighter spots in her ultrasound.

Babies are cuter when they’re some months old, and i haven’t made up my mind about the rest of their lives. C and i agree that having a lifetime responsibility for something which needs help with even pee and poop is a baffling thought- why would anyone willingly endure the exhaustion of rearing? Must be proof of God’s irresistible will, I joked.

Mon mari est out for a farewell, but he should be coming home soon. I don’t know how we’ll hold up to the coming and repeated testing, but he’s the one i want my whole life through.