Today is a mixedday

A.M.,

I was sent an article on WhatsApp reporting yet another anti-Asian attack. The details this time were more disturbing; the 65 year old lady outside a building was kicked in the stomach, and as she lay on the ground, her head was stomped on repeatedly while her attacker shouted racist sentiments. Worst, worst of all were three men captured on CCTV, who stood around and stared as the attack went on. One of them reached out to close the building door. Lady’s been hospitalised with serious injuries. I’m looking for pepper spray. I got laughed at by someone here when I told her; she thinks since it happened in NY it’s different and that people in AZ are more tolerant. Be that as it may be, I reckon it’s better to have redundant pepper spray around me for a year than to need it while protecting my children and find none. Especially since grown men can be present to stand around and watch while a defenceless woman is beaten up. This heart is heavy recounting the assault; what sort of code makes it right for any man to attack the elderly? How much of a coward does he have to be? Thinking also of my parents who are planning to come in August.

P.M.,

and then, as if to prove that the world is a crazy place, the kids had such an enjoyable afternoon. Jy came over and planted spring onion shoots with E; we opened the sacks of sand and the boys spent a happy hour mucking around; then it was more fun as she hosed them down, and I ran the big bathtub for them to get into after that. It is worth noting that the bathtub was sandy when they were done, in spite of the hosing down. Also, small e had mango lassi all over his face that had to be rubbed off with a face cloth. He’s asleep now, and E is lying in the lightning mcqueen bed J bought him, trying to fall asleep too. Idk if it was too much fun for him in one afternoon. And tomorrow he gets to go to 老师’s house, which he’s pleased as punch about.

–

Much pain and much pleasure in one little corner of the earth; multiplied the globe over. I have never been able to reconcile les deux; but I will dutifully select a pepper spray and remember to retrieve E’s milk bottle after I’m done and he’s hopefully resting. (Update: he’s not, he bumped his head and cried, and woke 弟弟 up. Now i have two awake boys and only a prayer to go on.)

Suddenly, this comes to mind: be of good courage; I have overcome the world.

Courage and hope.

Various thoughts I have at 830am

After washing the same poopy bum twice in the space of twenty minutes x some quarrel between themselves x tears x displays of disobedience x scolding x nights of disrupted sleep and a mind that has given up trying to fall asleep because I’ll just get woken up anyway

Thought #1: something unintelligible

Thought #2: they don’t pay me enough for this

Thought #3: what am I talking about, nobody pays me anything anyway