January 31, 2013



Birthday post!

January 30, 2013

Dear God,- no, change that-
Dearest heavenly, loving, wonderful, dearly loved Father,

It’s my birthday! and I want to spend a special part of it with you.

Reading back on my previous birthday post, I just want to say that so much of what I said there still stands.
I still want to be known as Yours, still love You and am achingly thankful for the Cross, for Your Son, for Your love. Still walking this road with You, seeking consistancy, integrity, and truth. Wanting to be wholly coherent, wanting to be known as i am known. Looking forward to heaven (and the new earth, too).

Thank You for how You’ve kept me my whole life, and even more so for the past year. Times of wrestle; the months of keeping company with someone else’s pain. All those tears. Where does it go from here?
Thank You for Your hand in my life, telling me so clearly that i may go, my time’s up. Freed from a place i thought indefinitely mine. Looking to You in the weeks and months to come.

And not just work-wise! In- the hammering process as You strip my dead bits and pieces away, and I learn for good what it means to love others above myself, to consider them more worthy than i. To put them, their desires and requests before myself. Their thoughts, plans and will, esteemed above mine. Things, bluntly, both strange and inconceivable, now. To love- serve. And in this You know i think especially of John.
When it comes to it, may i not be found wanting. Help me to love others as You do.

Thank You too, for the princely gift of friends, friends to walk beside. And not just any seasonal soul, but friends for the long-haul. Friends who know me, who have been present through the times. Long-term, in-depth friends. Friends who point me always to Christ. Whom I know will stick by through the struggles. I pray I will be such a friend to them too.

And in the same vein I am so thankful for my family; how very far we’ve come. From the years of anger and brokenness we have more than begun our road of healing, of unity. My parents are a team now, and nat has transformed as he comes into his own. i’ve always known he has so much potential, like a diamond in the rough. i am immeasurably thankful for this my family’s change into wholeness; i will always praise You for this.

Praise You for Your wondrous works, Your deeds to perform.

Many, O Lord my God, are thy wonderful works which thou hast done, and thy thoughts which are to us-ward: they cannot be reckoned up in order unto thee: if I would declare and speak of them, they are more than can be numbered.

You have worked in my life, You have worked in the world. God of the ages, universal and particular, loving and graceful, there is no better gift in Life than what You have given to the world, Your Son Jesus the Christ, Saviour of all mankind.

10 And the angel said to them, “Fear not, for behold, I bring you good news of great joy that will be for all the people. 11 For unto you is born this day in the city of David a Saviour, who is Christ the Lord.

The angels sang, and the stones in the cathedrals cry out. I would not do any less. Lord, let my life testify to Thee.

January 21, 2013

i hate this pettiness- of the world, but most of all the pettiness within. it would take the heartaches of a lifetime to come home, to perfection.

i did not wish to be born in sin.

January 18, 2013

i figured we could do with a picture. this is us

laughing over some seriously strange sounds

the photographer was making

January 16, 2013

whatsapping with j over our identical sumsung galaxy ace two phones (cue sickly snooty couple vibes no one can stand) at the moment, talking about trust, voices in head and growth. back from australia for awhile now, room finally restructured and books sitting pretty on freshly wiped shelves. i think i need more fiction on those shelves.

it’s been a rich and full six weeks since i last wrote here. faced some, learnt some, laughed some, teared some. laughed a whole lot, actually. laughter and play go hand in hand. (as do good company, conversation, and every good thing).

since january, the days have been mostly thus- waking up at 9- although i’m trying to make it 830, having a slow leisurely morning that includes qt and my first meal, and then generally heaps of reading. today, i’m going to attempt to apply for a job, although i’m afraid gaiman has messed me away from normalcy. but nothing a cup of tea shouldn’t cure!