mon mari (my husband)

May 29, 2017

1. We’re having a quiet evening at home; he’s watching videos on YouTube

me: ‘dearest, could you put up the painting dennis got us as a housewarming gift?’
him: ‘Okay, dear.’

Knocks out on sofa for the rest of the evening.

2. It’s dinnertime; we’re going to eat at the coffeeshop downstairs, but at the last minute I decide I’m too tired and ask him to tapao back up instead, along with fruits.

me: ‘okay, so fruit xyz, and dinner abcd.’
him: ‘okay’. (pause) ‘what if on the way suddenly I get a heart attack and then the ambulance comes and brings me to the hospital and i die? then you wouldn’t know because you’re upstairs.’

me: ‘only you would turn a trip downstairs into your death.’



We’re in the bathroom, brushing our teeth before bedtime, when we start talking about the number of (adult) teeth we have

Him: So I took out x number, because of braces, and because I took out all my wisdom teeth.
Me: oh, I never removed any of my adult teeth.

He proceeds to tilt my head back, open my mouth with his hands, and count how many teeth that is, while I stand there with toothbrush in hand thinking, I could get used to this.

937 on a Saturday morning,  and I’m languid in bed. I have peaches in the fridge; oh, and a coconut. It’s nice to lie in.

Last night I dreamt of forms, reminiscent of what I’ve been on all week, but that’s preferable to the previous night’s nightmare of being chased; second occurrence, different story. My phone automatically puts two spaces after every punctuation, and isn’t as sensitive as I’d like it to be.

A peach now would be nice, but so is this present circumstance. I wonder if it’ll rain later; the air suggests possibility.

I think I’ll close my eyes and see what other thoughts come to me.

May 9, 2017

My big toenail is coming out, and that makes wearing superman socks difficult. We bought a zombie apocalypse board game for 2-5 players over the weekend, and after we played I spent the night dreaming of options presented; life on boardgame. Speaking of dreams, last night I dreamt i spoke French to a little girl, who laughed shyly and I realised my grammar and syntax had deteriorated to incomprehensibility. Or mis-meaning.

I still don’t like it when I’m animated, post-animation. I wonder who’s this noisy nonsense energiser bunny residing personality i don’t recognise.  And I wonder why I’m uncomfortable with myself.

Work is interesting.  Today was interesting.

Rachel the foodie bucket

April 30, 2017

I had some things to remember, but I remember only two, and here’s one-

[Me being introduced to a new person]
Introducer: “this is Rachel. She’s a foodie. Actually- she’s a foodie bucket.”

Maundy Thursday

April 13, 2017

God laid down his life.

“but God shows his love for us in that
while we were yet sinners,
Christ died for us”

these peculiar ways

March 31, 2017

I think I have a job, which I think justifies me a little more to the air I breathe. Then I wonder if I’ll be able to justify expectations, at which point I forget to breathe again.

I have multiple friends expecting, while I’ve just gone through multiple pads. I don’t mind that much, really; I have a lovely marriage with a better man than I could have ever asked for, so this is competitiveness speaking, I suppose. A sort of, let me prove I’m not a failure.

Not, that conceiving is about personal validation, nor should it be, but I am in danger of going that route and I would rather not, so- they say bringing things to light does, well, something, so let’s see what happens. And since we are waiting, let us also prepare for his being away for weeks every now and then, as things must be, must play out this particular way.


Sometimes, when the ardour of the years have faded, and I’m no longer as in love as I once was, as sure that we are forever, now coming to you reluctantly, when before I would not have imagined it.

In these days, as they are now, I still tell you I want us for the years to come, that time with you still matters. You say thank you for lunch and meaningful conversation, and I agree. Even meaningful conversation is rarer, and so I intend to keep you, take what I can get.