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because what she said was beautiful:

My name is Rachel, and it seems I’ve lost myself for awhile now.
I used to have magic, I think. There were rainbow sparkly days and beating hearts.
Then it faded. And I turned into a sleeping tree with moss in my hair, waiting.

These days, I hide a little more, yet a little less.
Perhaps I lost fearlessness when I learned I could be abandoned
Lost playfulness in the tears.
Now there’s caution where excitement once was.

I sit here counting my losses, yet counting the sparks
The odd flash which stokes hope

That not all is lost and maybe
One day,
I could be safe enough to wake again

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photo post of

February 26, 2015

what i’ve been up to, aside from dreaming two nights in a row about breaking engagements. the first night i dreamt i was engaged to the president of the world who was in a hostage situation, and we broke up because i was going incognito outside and we were practical. the second night i dreamt i was on the verge of breaking up with a billionaire rugby mad brit accent boy. i don’t know what is going on; these dreams are scandalous. at least i have an interesting dream-life, i suppose. as if my real life wasn’t eventful enough- maybe because it is too eventful that my unconscious is affected! hah. and don’t read too much into my adventures, thank you. let’s see what i dream tonight. mm. i meant to put up a photo post.

IMG_20150226_200443 IMG_20150226_193121Two of food. The curry chicken above, wasn’t curry, really. More like turmeric coconut with stuff and I need to stop doing that combi. It tasted so much like the sayuer lodeh, and I prefer my possibly Burmese chicken stew to this. That said, it was tasty enough that I do not mind finishing the other two chicken thighs that went into the pot. As for the kailan oyster veg, I’m totally happy with it. I have Rasa Malaysia to thank. And since I have a few bunches of kailan left, I’ll be repeating the dish tomorrow just to make sure I have it right. Also, my housemate caught me licking the osyter sauce off the plate; I think she was completely horrified. Oops.

IMG_20150224_202444

You know you’re Singaporean (/Malaysian/identifiably southeast Asian) when your husband mentions to his friends we found a place selling durians, and the next thing you know, you’re lugging 14 boxes home cuz they also want.
IMG_20150220_234418Said husband, rescuing me from a wingy bug with his marmee BBQ flavour packet. So manly. Whee.

the winds

February 23, 2015

CNY has come and gone, and while I miss pineapple tarts and perhaps a slice or two of bakwa, I’ve realised the meaning of the season’s in the people.

Been here about 7 months now, got me a little potted mint over the holiday. It seems to be doing well, I hope it blooms and stays fly-free and and- smelling yummy.

It’s felt longer than seven months though. Closer to a year. Speaking of year, our 365 passed last Sunday and we celebrated well enough, with lunch at Houghton café, and dinner at Mueller café. An Australian winery and German house-restaurant. We concluded that the past year has taught us to prioritise. I hope it carries on. Today, on the way back to base, j retold an instructor’s experience – when posted to Thailand, his boss pressured every one to choose a prostitute.

I pray his time will never come, but if it does, that God will work mightily, and deliver. I trust Love will triumph.

How much longer in this land? The winds might soon change. Might, or they could flag on another half-season. Who knows – only God. He has His time. I will abide.

The winds might soon change.