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a new wife

April 17, 2014

 

IMG_20140417_173320spent the past while poring over book in picture; a snapshot of my early days of wifehood, an attempt to say, i love you, i will try.

I am not very good at things, not familiar with hearth and home, not willing to trade selfishness for service. I struggle with washing cups that are not mine, dishes others left in the sink. I quail at the monstrous pile of laundry, and the list goes on.

I count deeds on in my head, ticking boxes and highlighting those unchecked. Worse, I count the deeds of others.  Guilty, I am, of lovelessness and hypocrisy.

I think thoughts I shouldn’t, role play conversations in my head that stop halfway because I am cringing at myself.

I need to write these out because they fester otherwise, like the cup of tea that had been left since Sunday and was literally growing mould by the time it was brought to the sink, contents dumped into the bin. I need to bring my thoughts to the openness of the sink, and dump them into the bin beside.

Not too sure where to proceed from here, or how to wrap up this post. It rather feels like I spewed out all my poison on an unsuspecting space and this post is now looking at me, wondering where we go from here. Sorry, post, for the awkwardness from the disconnect.

But- awkwardness is okay, I learnt last night. Is okay to tell a disparaging, naysaying, negative, half-catholic friend, ‘don’t worry, Jesus is coming again’.

Jesus is coming again! Tomorrow, we fall silent and sing mournful, celebratory hymns that plead the goodness of His blood poured out for us, He who died that we may live. Thank You for Your love, thank You, for… taking my poison, taking it all.  Hopefully one day down the road, I’ll be writing another post that redeems this one. I have a feeling it’ll happen, if I surrender my will to His. If… if. There is hopee.

 

Amazing Love, How Can It Be
That Thou, My God, Shouldst Die For Me!