Scattered thoughts

July 15, 2017

Some months ago, when i was still living on my own, I bought a plant with black leaves. Said plant has since been putting forth leaf after leaf, and to my complete surprise, a baby version with just one precious leaf is peeking over the pot. I will have to think of transferring it soon. I have a plan.

J has been posted, and we/i have been learning so much about human nature. Each place he goes to, I learn more and i am surprised time and again. I like that he tells me stuff.

The office has three orchids, two mint plants and two different basils. The tall light leafed one is becoming worse for the wear; apparently it’s overwatered. Drunk, i tell you. They get watered in the mornings. On Fridays i water them a second time before i go, and leave with a vague sense of worry.

S asked me today how work has been. It obliged me to reflect (a good thing). All things considered, it’s alright, mais il est ennuyeux parfois. I’m not complaining, though.

So much can go wrong in utero, that the ___ don’t count your chickens before they hatch rings truest. What’s the word I’m looking for? Adge- adage, ah. I was reading about umbilical cords today, while A was telling me how the doctor said her risk for a down syndrome baby is now three times higher because of lighter spots in her ultrasound.

Babies are cuter when they’re some months old, and i haven’t made up my mind about the rest of their lives. C and i agree that having a lifetime responsibility for something which needs help with even pee and poop is a baffling thought- why would anyone willingly endure the exhaustion of rearing? Must be proof of God’s irresistible will, I joked.

Mon mari est out for a farewell, but he should be coming home soon. I don’t know how we’ll hold up to the coming and repeated testing, but he’s the one i want my whole life through.


And I will, just not in the way I’d intended- that’ll be a later post.

I moved into Chinatown today,  and the office has big windows and views i was getting acquainted with when suddenly, I  realised the hill in the distance looked familiar, like I’d climbed it before.

And I have.



I had to scroll through numerous other posts to get this one, revisiting the ruins of a decaying story I had neither been old enough or willing to leave. I feel heavy reading the writings of those months. I had been so sad.

Also, three different guys in one post – I disbelieve myself.

But. for all the triumphs and tears I’d thrown myself into eight years ago, flinging myself into abysses and mud,  nonsense, plus and minus a hundred other stories along the way-

In the end I married the best of them all.

June 7, 2017

Yesterday I was running ten minutes late, today i am ten minutes early. I thought it was going to be a breakfast of soya milk and fried dough fritters, but breakfast together didn’t work out so I sit here phone in one hand, egg prata in the other.

It was a different front man but he told me the same thing, no change to my ten dollar note. This time however, I  decided I wasn’t going to bother any other stall for exchanging services to indulge prata men’s nonsense. So I said i didn’t want prata in that case, whereupon he gestured to my ten dollar note and found change. I was his last customer before shift change and found myself walking to the bus stop with him, in silence.

Five minutes before work begins. I am tired from last night, last night didn’t go well. I woke up this morning and wondered what this feeling was.

It’s nine.

mon mari (my husband)

May 29, 2017

1. We’re having a quiet evening at home; he’s watching videos on YouTube

me: ‘dearest, could you put up the painting dennis got us as a housewarming gift?’
him: ‘Okay, dear.’

Knocks out on sofa for the rest of the evening.

2. It’s dinnertime; we’re going to eat at the coffeeshop downstairs, but at the last minute I decide I’m too tired and ask him to tapao back up instead, along with fruits.

me: ‘okay, so fruit xyz, and dinner abcd.’
him: ‘okay’. (pause) ‘what if on the way suddenly I get a heart attack and then the ambulance comes and brings me to the hospital and i die? then you wouldn’t know because you’re upstairs.’

me: ‘only you would turn a trip downstairs into your death.’



We’re in the bathroom, brushing our teeth before bedtime, when we start talking about the number of (adult) teeth we have

Him: So I took out x number, because of braces, and because I took out all my wisdom teeth.
Me: oh, I never removed any of my adult teeth.

He proceeds to tilt my head back, open my mouth with his hands, and count how many teeth that is, while I stand there with toothbrush in hand thinking, I could get used to this.

937 on a Saturday morning,  and I’m languid in bed. I have peaches in the fridge; oh, and a coconut. It’s nice to lie in.

Last night I dreamt of forms, reminiscent of what I’ve been on all week, but that’s preferable to the previous night’s nightmare of being chased; second occurrence, different story. My phone automatically puts two spaces after every punctuation, and isn’t as sensitive as I’d like it to be.

A peach now would be nice, but so is this present circumstance. I wonder if it’ll rain later; the air suggests possibility.

I think I’ll close my eyes and see what other thoughts come to me.

May 9, 2017

My big toenail is coming out, and that makes wearing superman socks difficult. We bought a zombie apocalypse board game for 2-5 players over the weekend, and after we played I spent the night dreaming of options presented; life on boardgame. Speaking of dreams, last night I dreamt i spoke French to a little girl, who laughed shyly and I realised my grammar and syntax had deteriorated to incomprehensibility. Or mis-meaning.

I still don’t like it when I’m animated, post-animation. I wonder who’s this noisy nonsense energiser bunny residing personality i don’t recognise.  And I wonder why I’m uncomfortable with myself.

Work is interesting.  Today was interesting.

Rachel the foodie bucket

April 30, 2017

I had some things to remember, but I remember only two, and here’s one-

[Me being introduced to a new person]
Introducer: “this is Rachel. She’s a foodie. Actually- she’s a foodie bucket.”