If i were congruent enough/ maybe

June 4, 2015

It’d be more okay to be disappointed. No netball, or Pampervan, or even dinner with the husband- I’d recognise these for what they are, activities, and not read them like a personal impeachment.

What is an impeachment? It sounds like a judgey punishment. Mmm.

Cuz I’d be centred enough to recognise and differentiate what’s me and mine, the stuff of identity, and what’s external happenstance. For example- a certain event long ago was a matter of who I was. The events of tonight, much as I dislike the rejections one after the other, is not me. I can dislike it, but it’s not something wrong with my soul.

So- congruence helps identify what’s soul stuff, and what’s just a bad day? (Cue Daniel P). And that the two are necessarily different, and not to be taken the same? What it would mean is- maybe I wouldn’t be down as much then. Which I would like.

There is a question about security and utter security found in Christ and how that would look like, and what if He was all and what that would mean for my marriage, but I’m not quite ready to go there yet. God, You have been sending me plenty of messages and working so very clearly regarding meself. I’ll wait on You a little longer, for the wisdom You give.

A day later:

I dislike waiting 

For as long as I can remember, I’ve always known what was going to happen today, tonight, tomorrow, next week, the coming fortnight. Any blank spaces in my calender were there because I’d decided they’d be there. More often than not, though, life was about regular back to back meetings and social interactions. Three a day were normal as breathing, the occasional five maxed me out.

Then I married. someone in the military. and my world turned upside down.
I’m still waiting for it to be turned around again. Or at least adapting.

A day later:

It’s okay to be self-controlledly honest and fair. So I’ve edited the middle post – which was ending in increasing hysteria – self-control always pays on hindsight – THE OLIVE BRANCH IS NOT TO BE REFUSED EVEN WHEN EXTENDED BY THE SELF USE YOUR BRAIN – and un-password-locked the post. The password had been ‘Enough’, by the way.

But yes, it’s okay to express congruence, when expression is self-controlledly honest and fair.


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