today in bed

March 12, 2015

i wanted to catch a nap but had had too much tea, so fell to thinking instead.

i imagined the future home and planned for it. i imagined young children there. i imagined john coming home and telling me enemy planes were on their way. i imagined bundling up the kids with our passports, a laptop and handphone with chargers and running to the car. i imagined calling our parents and siblings to get to the nearest underground carpark or train station, and to make sure they had water and food with them. i wanted to wait for the worst to happen at paya lebar airbase, but john said it was the first place they were likely to bomb. i nodded and we made plans for the nearest circle line station instead. meanwhile the children were watching us fearfully from the backseat. i was torn between explaining what was happening and laying out what was feasibly going to happen, and using the time we had left to tell john how much i love him.

i sat up in bed, turned over to my phone, and texted john the sum of my thoughts. he replied with ‘thinker ah you’, and an emoticon kiss. i felt comforted and sleepier. i shifted in bed and slowed my breathing.

i was in a certain part of the world, kidnapped by an extremist. i tried so many ways to get back to john. it was so hard. it was so hard to know what to do. i couldn’t bring myself to trust anyone, for fear of mistake. i hadn’t spoken, had never left the house since i was brought in. how long did i have to stay mute before they’d let down their guard, how long did i have before john gave me up for dead?

i wanted to leave this story and return to my waking world, but my mind wouldn’t let me. it compelled me to find a finish, to return home. it took more searching, but the drive behind my thoughts gradually took a gentler tone. new doorways appeared, and

‘my name is rachel. i’ve been kidnapped. i want to go home.’


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