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the annual love letter to God

January 30, 2015

Father dear,

One more year has passed. Reading back on the old love letters, I realise I go into each year knowing very little; save that it is going to be full, and potentially difficult. It has only increased in fullness and difficulty; this year could be the hugest yet.

Still You save, You sustain through the dark nights and tearful days. In wrestles with work dissonance and someone else’s suicidal tendencies, the lost months and its repercussions, and the heavy helplessness of the last year, each year has come and gone – and what do I have to show to You?

You are God almighty, maker of the heavens and the earth. The skies declare Your glory, but I am dust. I wish I had more to offer You; evidence of a more graceful life, growth of the Spirit’s fruit, maybe. But it seems I’ve only barely managed to hang to Your coattails, and then only to survive. And the year ahead?

Father, the past year was hard. There was good and You blessed but – I also remember the instability, the discouragement of a marriage so affected by another institution. Why do I have to feel grateful I see John on the weekend, how is it their policy decides which couples are reunited every evening and which are disallowed? And the thought that it could be worse yet –

You know my prayer; I also know You sent Your Son to the cross. If You should send me to mine, and I should die, I know You have the power to resurrect me from any death. But it hurts so.

Happy birthday to me, You are the best gift I could receive. I could not live without You. If I sound hopeless, You know I’m not. I trust in You for the year ahead; I don’t know what it looks like, but help me. Help me to praise Your name.

Amen.

PS I love You very much. know You love me too.

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