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November 17, 2014

hiii, three ‘i’s from the three of me saying hi to you. boybands from my teen years are playing from the speakers, times of the me who would sit by the radio and when the deejay announced a song i wanted, press specific two buttons at once on the radio so the cassette would begin recording. but you know how deejays like to talk as the song winds up? i would have tapes of my favourite songs with the deejay’s voice coming in as the song trails off and a hurried, abrupt end to the song as i stopped the recording to get rid of whichever deejay’s voice it was- cue last four beats to the song then- ‘and that was backstree- silence, then the next song of the early 2000s. Show me the meaning of being lonely is playing at the moment, incidentally. i guess they’re still my favourite band after all these years. easily 15 years. mmm.

went back to doingthekiwi, scrolled past the romantic tragedy that was z, not caring to recall; made it past the defining events of 2009; a year of heartbreak for more than one reason, person, sense, everything. stopped just before the parts where i was trying to work out what it meant to say goodbye to my country of exchange – i cared so much, back then- i could find tears now for who i was, if i allowed myself to. why did i love so much?

and then there’s me now, wings hung up. do 2011 and 2012 feel ghostly because i could not identify with it, the working world? i’ve spent the years uninhibited, will the future be detached or will i grow into responsibilities that come?

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