somehow, he’s got a place in my heart labelled/ ‘kid brother’

August 15, 2012

how is anyone supposed to react to news of planned death, to hear it is imminent, and that a date has been planned? or tell of the hours spent literally begging for life.

by the time we finally parted, it was night. but– we parted with his repartee. in other words, a kind of humour. and- with a scrawled inked-over tissue paper; one ply for him and one for me. in it, a promise for life. i’m still somewhat dazed by the entire thing. from death to life. for now. even then, an extension, at best. how long can a body live on puffs of air?

but what else could i have done?


‘can you stay?’ 

‘tell me the date, please? please? please? please, i have no other word than please.’ 

the story of a bent twig, and dependence.

a story of two friends, one of whom went away and never came back. and left the other one alone. ‘do you like that story?’ ‘no.’

i cry. over and over again. ‘you’re breaking my heart. forgive me? forgive me?’  

‘you told me to find someone to trust. you told me some battles are not meant to be fought alone. if you go, i won’t know what was real and what was pretend. i won’t even know which memories to trust; i have such a bad memory. F- Fuck.’  


remember, d. at the end of it you promised to stay. we did a pinky promise with the thumbs up thingy.


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